TRENTON - Why bother with manners?

"So that people won't think you're a slob and not like you," said Malcolm Newman, 10, from Trenton, dressed in a suit with a red tie.

At the Ellarslie Museum in Cadwalader Park, about 35 children drank juice out of wine glasses yesterday, munched on tiny cheese sandwiches, and daintily said "Hello" as if they were arriving at a friend's house for dinner.

The attendees, ages 4-12 from the Trenton area, arrived in suits and dresses for "Capital Courtesies," an etiquette lesson based on a book reading by Margery Cuyler of Princeton, author of "Please Say Please." The Hedgepeth-Williams Middle School band played holiday and children's songs for background music.

"If you use your manners you won't get in trouble," said Terrance Stokes, 5, from Trenton, before adding that he sometimes gets yelled at for fighting with his younger brother.

"We do a lot of restaurant eating," said Jennifer Evans, who brought her daughter and nephew to the event "just to learn how to use a napkin, which fork to pick up."

"Capital Courtesies" was organized by CitySmiles, an organization devoted to finding space in Trenton for children and families to enjoy themselves and meet each other, said Lisa Kasabach, who has lived in the capital for 13 years and founded the group in 2001.

"Trenton's a really wonderful place to live," Kasabach said. However, "if you're a parent in Trenton, if you read some of the papers, you'd move."

CitySmiles was behind a six-week-long bird activity series, during which children built a giant nest in Cadwalader Park last year. The group also throws an annual New Year's Eve party; last year's was at the Trenton Fire Station on Perry Street.

"A lot of parents in Trenton don't even know about the activities that are low cost or free," said Dr. Sariya Pacheco-Smith of Yardley, Pa., a pediatrician in Trenton who often tells her patients about CitySmiles events. She brought her two daughters to "Capital Courtesies."

Most of the activities are low cost; yesterday's was $10 for each family.

Evans, who is a CitySmiles board member, said "Capital Courtesies" taught her how simple it is to get children to behave.

But as the party guests left Ellarslie yesterday afternoon - each carrying a bag with a tall, colored candle, a beaded pen and a glass mug - a few said they came to the event more for friends than for the manners.

"The sandwiches were great," said James Allen, 10, from Trenton, adding that he did not like dressing up.

And while some children obediently sat with pink and purple cloth napkins on their laps, others may not have quite absorbed the etiquette message. As the party wound down, a handful of children wandered around the room without excusing themselves or began answering interview questions with their mouths full.

"The whole point is that they have a workshop and they learn," Kasabach said of the participants. "They're not going to change overnight."